When you come back to a place where you started on a journey it can be rewarding to see with new eyes how far you have come. Arriving into Austin, walking into my favorite bike shop (Bicycle Sport Shop), staying at my friends and huge supporter Marks house, running in the old south neighborhood has led me to walk a little straighter with my chin up and with a huge smile.

In the winter of 2010 I came to Austin still very green at triathlon. I was aiming for the 2012 Olympics and willing to do “what it takes and whatever it takes”. I was ready to follow the script needed to become an Olympian. Mark graciously allowed me to live with him while I got on my feet as a full-time pro. I ended up living with him six months. Fast forward to where I am today.

Running in the foothills of the Flatirons with Anita last weekend we were talking about what I needed to do to mentally prepare for an Ironman. What to think when it gets really hard and when you need to overcome that point in the race where everything hurts, you want to stop, think this is crazy and maybe even dumb. Strategies like telling yourself to be kind to your body, to say “hello pain I expected you” or “this too shall pass”, count to 20 steps again and again and complete mental checks on hydration and nutrition were discussed. Like most pros pushing myself to the brink is not a problem. It is being able to keep that ability to do so in check. Before this year I used to joke with my friends and family that after a race if you can't find me, look in the medical tent. I always ended up there. 

Last year at the Austin 70.3 race I wanted to win so badly and had the attitude that if you want something badly enough you can overcome anything. I pushed hard on the bike creating a huge lead. I ran out of transition like it was a sprint rather than a half marathon. I had blinders on, heard and saw nothing except the voice in my head – you want this, push harder, you can do this. One and a half miles to the finish I started running into a field off course. My body was done. I tried to bring myself around, to be conscious of where I was but all I could think was water. Then failure. Then water. Then failure. Why was it that when I have always been told it is a mental game and the will to succeed had I failed. I pushed myself so hard mentally that my body physiologically had to stop me. Even down on the ground I remember think keep going, at least walk. Failure. 

This year after my struggle to get to a start line mentally prepared and physically sound everything had to change. The script had to be re-written. And the only person to write it could be me.

Anita and I started to talk about Chrissy Wellington. To me what is most striking about her performances is her constant smile. I think people may have thought it was a strategy to make her competitors think she was unbeatable – how could she be still smiling, she must have a lot of energy left. I think now it was not a strategy it was her joy. 

It was then that I came to realize that for me, when I can't smile doing what I love, there is something truly wrong. Every race since I restarted my season in July I have kept a smile on my face. I have run across the finish line, totally physically spent but exclaiming how fun it was. I absolutely have to still overcome pain and mental blocks but with those I embrace. Embrace with a smile because I am now ready for them. 

This year at Austin 70.3 I want to win again. The competition is tougher, the stakes maybe even higher. But unlike last year I come with something different.  My success is rooted in awareness that I am out there living and loving my passion for sport and whole health. This year I will see you all my friends, cheering me on, supporting me as you always have. I will be the one with a huge smile on my face. This year I don't need a platform to publicly thank-you for all you are and what you have done for me to live this whole incredible life. You already know.

I have a little sticky note on my computer that has my races listed. In September it had five races. After each race I delete the race just completed making the next one rise to the top. Rev3 Anderson welcomed me into each day as I ritualistically checked email/facebook with my morning coffee for the past two weeks. It meant a return to my Anderson homestay where Gina and Scott feel like family rather than people I have only known for 3 days. It meant a warm breeze in rolling agricultural terrain. It also meant racing with Rev3, a business that is more like a community of friends and family bringing out the best in each other and the whole race experience. 

I had exactly 14 days before I had to be race ready again. When you race a lot you compromise on solid training blocks. In preparation for my first Ironman getting the distances and intensity of training in becomes challenging and a real push to a fine line. Coming into Anderson my body was tired but my excitement and love for the experience kicked in. Traveling by cab, bus, plane, car for 8 hours, being interviewed, doing a mini-photo shoot with Nicole, pro-panel, bike maintenance, course recon, race prep was all done in a quick 48 hours. No time to just stop, breathe, slow down. At least not until race morning when I found that my heart was pounding even before the gun went off. I found a bench through the trees by the lake and in utter quietness. The sun was just starting to rise. I just sat there, closed my eyes and meditated. I let the thoughts come in and out, felt my shoulders finally relax and felt my feet on the ground. Just in time I was ready. 

The Race

Jennifer Speildenner and I raced each other in ITU “back in the day”. Both coming from a swimming background we always duked it out, sometimes worked together but always pushed to be the first out of the water. It being her first half distance I knew she would push the swim like it was an Olympic distance race forgetting that going lactic in the first 24 minutes of a much longer race is not really beneficial. I let her go. Hard but smart.

Thanks to an awesome mechanic at T1 who addressed some almost serious mechanical issues that morning, my bike worked like a dream. My legs however, were not working quite like a dream. I was working HARD out there but my power meter was not showing the numbers I am used too. No option but to listen to my body and my breathing. When Malaika passed me and then slowly pulled away, I thought “well this is going to be a good opportunity for me to push the run!” A goal this race was to show my run fitness, to work hard. Thankfully toward the final 10 miles of the bike my legs decided to wake up, my heart rate came down and I found my rhythm. According to spectators who were giving splits Malaika had pushed to 1:30+ ahead and I brought it back down to around 45s by T2. This was VERY motivating and I knew I would be good.

The run was two loops around the second transition area, different from last year. Definitely not flat but not as hard as Muskoka or Pocono 70.3. Every hill I came to I picked up my cadence, leaned forward and kept my shoulders relaxed. I had my sites on Malaika who I was quickly putting time into step by step. It was a very new experience for me. I finally passed her and thought make the move definite, no holding back. My feeling good and thinking 'hold on, not long now I am in the lead' was VERY short lived when Nicole literally flew by me. It was almost funny as I thought 'she just really interrupted a fine moment for me, I actually passed someone running!' I tried to stay with her but my body thought differently. I put in my best run time yet (course was 13.3) and although I did slow toward the end it was solid. I was thrilled.

The interview said I was looking for redemption. Today while riding with the flat irons of Boulder laid out in front of me I think that this is wrong. I was not looking to redeem myself from last year. I was proud of that race and had given it all I had. I can't ask for more. This year was no different. I know where I am at, what I have behind and ahead of me. Nicole was absolutely better on the day. What I do feel though is happy to have had such fun once again, to have raced with such a stellar group of athletes and enjoyed their effort, drive and inspiration. My work environment depends on everyone bringing the best of themselves out. This includes the race organizers, media and volunteers. If we all do this then the atmosphere is electric, charged with good-will, excitement and drive. It is exactly why I race and this race delivered 200%!

The Nitty Gritty Details:
Wetsuit swim: Nineteen Rogue
Bike: SHIV with 110PSI pressure
Nutrition: 4 GU gels on the bike (Peanut Butter, Chocolate mint, Chocolate Raspberry and Bluberry Pomegranate); 3 GU on the run (Island Nectar Roctane)
Hydration: Kangan Water 9.5! (I actually carted 4 litres of water with me across the country – yes I believe in it!)
Post-Race: Burger and Beer with AWESOME company!

Special Thanks: To Gina and Scott Brooks who once again went way out of their way to make me feel like family. Howard (Gina's dad) for picking me up and to Brittany for being such stellar post-race support! You all are so very much appreciated.

Enjoying the run down the finishing chute in first is an awesome experience. It is hard to sum up all the emotions that flood your consciousness when you take each of those final steps to the winners tape. It is the joy of putting together a great race built on hard and smart training. It is knowing how many people who love and support you are celebrating the victory too. Mostly though it is the power of belief in oneself and perseverance when you have had to overcome so many challenges.

I was super excited about this race. My friends from Ottawa came down to be sherpas, it was on the east coast in the fall and it was a race that suited me – rolling. On all fronts I was not disappointed. Jamie and Ryan were in constant competition with who was the better sherpa - who could direct the route better, who fetched ice cream to go with the apple pie, who took gear bags at the start or who offered cloths off their backs so I could stay warm. Who wouldn't love these guys? Ryan (Solefit) gently reminded me of the early days when I went to visit him for running advice and orthodics (which I am still wearing!) when I asked what racing flats were. Yes I was THAT green.

While doing my warm-up on Saturday I swear that I saw the film location for Dirty Dancing – a favorite adolescent movie of mine (Nobody puts Jamie - I mean Baby – in a corner). The fall colours were amazing and the air had that smoky crispness to it. I'll admit it made me want to curl up with a good book, pumpkin latte and eat apple pie. Although apple pie was the secret weapon of the weekend there was no curling up!

THE RACE

This is a very logistically challenging half ironman. Two transitions and a finishing line/expo. The swim is in a glass like “pond”, the water a mere 64F(i.e., cold). The shape of the swim course was interesting leaving the leads to navigate the best line from buoy to buoy. The women started with the guys which was brilliant for me. I hoped to get in with the front pack but sadly by the time I sorted through the guys, I had slipped back. I ended up leading the chase pack. No drafting in this one.

The bike started with a 4 mile descent. It included a 9% grade down and although cold was super fun. The Shiv is a seriously solid machine that handles really well so there was no braking as I tucked my head down with my jaw almost sitting on my elbow pads to get more aero.  The course mellows out and it is actually hard to really sense whether you are on false flats or descents at times. It rolls gently throughout but is kept interesting with sharp get-out-of-the-saddle ascents,tuck in descents and twisty turns through park lands. The roads in some parts were a little bumpy (actually washed out too) but again the carbon frame just seemed to absorb those and I kept rolling along happily. Coming to T2 I had no idea where I was in the race. I knew I was ahead but did not have a sense of how much. Apparently 8-9 minutes. I never for a moment took it easy which is likely why I got the course record.

The run I thought was supposed to be easy and relatively flat. As I ran up long hills and pounded down others I kept thinking that it was going to be the last. It was supposed to flatten out. It never did. The volunteers were awesome – some in pink tutus and a huge guy in a bright florescent pink wig. My focus was to keep a steady pace until the turn-around when I would finally see where I was at in the race. I did not see the first girl for 3-4ish minutes (i.e., 7-8 minute lead). I figured that this was a pretty good cushion but did not back off too much. I didn't press hard either because there was no need to dig a deeper hole . I have another race in two weeks and want to get back to training. In those last miles when I actually thought walking would be nice, athletes just starting their run cheered me in yelling 'first woman'. There was no way that I couldn't smile and finish strong. This race was unlike any other win. I could savor each of those final steps. The great thing is that I look forward to the first ones back out in training. My job. Best job in the world.



THE DETAILS:

Nutrition:

1 Specialized fuelselage water bottle (water in a bike)

1 GU recovery drink sports drink

4 Gels (peanut butter, mint chocolate and espresso love)

3 Island Nector Roctane gels in flask on run, water every station.

Bike:

My amazing Shiv of course.

Wheels: Tubular 404 and 808

Tire psi: 100 (perfect for the road conditions)

What I wore:

Nineteen Wetsuit

Thanks to Ryan Cain's suggestion (learnt from Jordan Rapp) -put a polyethylene sheet down my Nike top which broke the wind and kept me a bit warmer. So SMART!